the art of

“The art of letting go.”
I keep hearing it.
“You have to let them go, mom. “

This school year marks the last of me being a mom with kids at home full time. Something I have been silently dreading for a little while now. How did it come so quickly? How did my three little people fly so fast? How did this towheaded blue-eyed tiny girl who said the quirkiest things sitting in coffee shops with me on Main Street become a Senior in high school? “How come everyone keeps calling you Julie when your name is Maaaahma??” she’d say. ♡ Now she struts gracefully through the front door laughing and making jokes, while saying “Bye, Mama! I love you!” as she gets into her own car and takes off to school or work.

How is my son (oldest) graduating from COLLEGE this year? I gulp and stare at his baby picture on the side table, remembering his huge smile & his “happy crawl” bouncing on the shores of the beach in disbelief. He’s a grown! And my second born – floating beautifully through her days with dimpled smiles, laughter & and love, always calling and catching me up, never missing a beat.

To say I am a lucky mom is an understatement. To see that the Lord fulfilled the desires of my heart and answered all the prayers begging for children – after almost three years of trying to conceive and miscarriages… they are the greatest gift and joys and accomplishment of my life. The job of getting to be their mom, priceless & an honor.

So as this year begins, and the clock ticks down… everyone insists that I learn “The art of letting go.”

Well, I guess I am no Picasso.
(Or maybe, I am… he was very abstract.)
But, I am definitely no Rembrandt or da Vinci.
You know who I am.
Raw. Real. A mother with her heart on her sleeve, a daughter, a loyal friend, a creative, singer-songwriter, and an amateur poet at best.

If I can keep finding the grace in it all this coming year as my last child finishes high school & my oldest college… yes.
That.
If I can keep finding –
The quiet in it.
The beauty in it.
The joy in it.
The memories
In all these beautiful, glorious years I begged and wished on my knees with my heart of heart “FOR THESE CHILDREN I PRAYED FOR”
in it.
If I can revel in THAT for the next 9 months
and hold on to all the last precious moments that are ours and mine
and everything I hoped and dreamt of and wanted
in that one four-letter word

“M A M A.”

yes. ♡
Oh, God, please don’t let me miss a moment of this next school year.
In dreading an empty house.
In worrying about the future of these beautiful people you gave to me to be my babies… (no matter how many beautiful inches they continue to gain on my 5-foot 3 frame!)
Let their steps be ordered by You.
Tomorrow and always.
Let their paths be adventurous and wondrous and so much better than I could have ever hoped and dreamed for them.
I could continue to ramble, but I won’t.
For now.
This is all.

The art of letting go?
Right now, I will relish & walk in
The Art of Living in the Moment
and
relishing
every
last
drop of this year.

But no matter where they are…
I do know this.
I will always be —

their Mama.

x – j