the truth will set you free or sad.

Truth and life.
The things you see, then can’t unsee. Or can’t go back.

Did you ever realize that someone you loved (a significant other, friend, parent, co-worker –  someone in your circle or nearby circle of things that matter) – wasn’t who you thought? Or just have the rug beneath the relationship of the ground you both shared ripped away from you?

It’s gut wrenching.

Did they love me? Did they care? Was I a pawn in a game? What did all of this mean? How does this keep happening to me?
When it isn’t happening TO you – it’s easy advice to give – “No, this isn’t about you, this has nothing to do with you – this is them. This is their trauma, drama, bullshit…”

But for yourself, you’re quietly thinking, “but I AM the common denominator – are you sure?

I mean, I DO keep allowing it. (I have the songwriting and poetry to prove it)” ha
Ugh, I just love to love, I want to keep my people and continue to believe the best! Losing anyone who means something to you is painful.

When my kids were younger,  their dad and I we would meet new friends and often, fairly early on I would have some uneasy feeling (aka red flag or several) I would point out to him. But, because we really liked them and wanted to have them as new friends we’d shrug and say “nah, it’s fine…”
Then 6 months or sometimes years would go by and something would blow up in our faces.  I remember standing in our Boerne kitchen one day when he said to me  “that’s it! We are never ignoring your intuition again! This is ridiculous! You’re always right and this is getting old.”

Maybe I have continued that pattern of ignoring the red flags in my own life at times.

He was right though, it does get old.

It gets old being lied to & manipulated. It gets old having your trust or heart broken repeatedly by people you decide to bring into your circle of friendship, or maybe even closer still – an intimate relationship.

Trust.  For some of us, is near impossible.

We take these tiny dips of our toes in and out – testing the waters of a situation.  Deciding if someone, or something, or a group of people are safe or not.

And for some of us, it seems like the moment we decide to continue in… deeper and deeper…  getting in up to our waste, or deciding to dive or just cannonball all the way in – the proverbial – (well hell! all kinds of metaphors can work here!) *BOOM* 

Sometimes you’re lucky and it is just “the other shoe dropped” and sometimes you’re “hit by a Mac Truck” and life feels like it has been sucked or knocked out of you.

Sigh, I don’t know what to tell us at this moment as I sit here in disbelief of my last 48 hours.
Not just my own experiences, but my friends, my family.

“The truth will set you free.” – John 8:31

“For where there is light, darkness must flee” – Isaiah 9:2

There is this veil of happiness that occasionally, gets ripped from your eyes with a “truth can set you free” moment.

All growing up I heard that quote/Scripture, and it sounded so positive.

So cheerful.

And you know what, I have found in the last 5 -12 years?

It isn’t always cheerful or positive. Sure it is, a LOT! (I could list a million examples here) but every so often, it can be so painful. Sometimes the truth can mean losing the people that you love most in your life. Your very best friends, the love of your life, your parent, your job.

Because when you see the truth, you cannot un-see it. (Trust me, I have tried.)

And sometimes, unfortunately, that means you can’t go back to old ways, and you lose some things (traditions/people) you really, really loved.

I don’t know if a slow fade or a sudden loss is better or worse, but either way… sigh.

Where now?
Well. Grieve the loss. I learned in 2011 that you can’t skip that part. I coined my little phrase “Feel, Deal, Heal.”  You have to feel it first so you can really deal with the situation and then eventually, heal.

I look at my proverbial plate and make my “New Year Resolutions and Un-Resolutions” every year on my birthday, but maybe now I make it a quarterly thing.  It’s so interesting how the Lord uses certain calendar dates in my life to be so significant. Hindsight will eventually make this one even more special, I have no doubt. He is a Promise Keeper.

The pain and grief of loss is like the ocean. It comes and goes in waves, and eventually, those waves will start to spread further apart, and even better still, you’ll become a master at riding them.

Keep your tribe of people to a tight true. That authentic core of people who want your best and you the best for them. Make time for who and what matter. And remember, that also includes you.

So, the painful truth. Does it set you free or sad?

In the end, it set’s you free,
and that, my friends is always a good thing.

♡ ~ j

(written early july 2024)