standing at the confluence of life, loss and love.

There are moments in life that take your breath away.

We are all made differently, so those moments look differently to each of us. It can be in the rising and setting suns, watching the waves rhythmically crash onto the shore, the moment you say “I do” to the love of your life, the moment you finally learn you are pregnant and watch your sons or daughters being born… those first ~ well, “everythings” in life.

Your first kiss, your first sip of coffee in the morning, your baby’s first steps, first smile, the list is so long and beautiful. All of these things take your breath away in such beautiful, fantastic ways. Over and over and over.

But, then there are these other moments that take our breath away. It’s a “club” that (fortunately) not everyone is even aware of or can comprehend. it’s all the moments of loss. and they range from small to unspeakable.

that first time we lose a friend in elementary school. Divorce that ends that excited “I do.” Death of a loved one. Miscarriage. Car wrecks or cancer that take best friends too soon. War & casualties. Crime. The death of a child.

All of these moments take your breath away.

My heart will stop in it’s tracks every time. I do not have to know you. Near or far. I feel your heart next to mine.

I am a mother who has experienced all kinds of loss. And I feel you, so deeply. I know you.

Standing at the confluence of loss and life. Of deep sadness and love. Love that still somehow abides inside my heart and on my sleeve.

Sometimes the situational “fucked-uppery” that snakes itself around these terrible moments is so real, it makes it hard to focus on the love.

Divorces clouded in shards of deceit, or children being used against spouse.

The mourning the death of a parent, clouded by a sibling stealing pain meds that should have comforted a mom in her final hours, instead, it extended them.

Drugs, Alcohol, Disease – that continue to kill young & old person, left and right. I have no words. My heart is broken.

Then, there is the Uvalde tragedy. How do we possibly breathe again after this? How does a mother or father, or anyone go on after losing their child?

How do we move on from this pain? This unspeakable loss? Or any unspeakable loss in life?

We don’t.

But, we can continue to grow around it, the way a tree continues to grow around whatever obstacle is in it’s way. And that tragedy? That loss, becomes a part of us… somehow making that tree trunk, making us, even stronger and more beautiful.

Somehow the Lord takes and shapes us
and we become this beautiful unbroken miracle,
and we keep going.

Still breathing, still moving, loving, giving, pouring into each other.
Each day, ebbing and flowing, like the waves of the ocean,
eventually the pain spreading further apart,
maybe easier to float on the salt of our tears of sorrows and joys.

We can choose to keep going.
To honor the losses with
giving more love,
pouring more love,
and honoring the life around us by seeing it even more.

In every little thing –
I choose to see the life, the beauty, the love.
By not letting the evil win.
Not letting even the tiniest moments get wasted.

Today I grieve with every family that lost their child
I grieve with my friends that lost their son, their daughter, their mother.
And I war in love, prayer, and friendship with friends that are fighting fights of their life this year in all the way shapes and forms.
We are all in the middle of something.

So keep loving each other.
Love your tribe. Your people.
Don’t miss a minute.

Honor the losses with more.
More love, more kindness, more

♡ – jul

various images found from Google.

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