closing doors & burning proverbial safety nets

Being a single mother brings it’s own bag of uncertainties, what-ifs, what-to-dos – that all seem to be so much harder when you don’t have a significant other or an equally invested adult by your side making the big decisions with you. Weighing the options. Talking about the kids. The highs and the lows.

Over the years, living in the house that I am in, every year I say that I am going to move. That I hate this, that and the other thing. (If you know me, you can rattle off my top 2 grievances together in chorus! ha) And every year comes and goes, and I still live in this old house… Truth be told, it was never the right time to move, because of my children and the point they were in school, but as time moves on, I know I am closer to that point where I need to pull trigger.

Or not.

A week ago, I had this new great big plan of, perhaps I should keep the house and just rent it? Then I can test the waters by moving, and renting somewhere else? See if I like it? I can always come back, right? Keep the equity I have built, etc etc. Yawn…

Jump over to topic number two. Relationships.
Any kind, take your pick.
Romantic, platonic, maybe even familial.
There are relationships at times in all of our lives, that if we step back and look at them, we can realize that they are holding us back. Tethering us to a proverbial land.
Holding emotional space that is keeping us from something more. We can wait around for something to happen, something to change, for market value to rise in the relationship, or “situationship,’ thinking that this is what is best for us.

But is it?

Sometimes we can fall so in love with these old houses, these old familiar bones, old familiar faces, places, routines, that we don’t ever even consider change or what that may mean. We don’t even consider taking the leap, or to take that one tiny step of blind faith into the unknown and see that maybe, just maybe there is something MORE for us on the other side of comfortable. On the other side of the familiar and the known.

It really is just the equivalency of having the courage to actually SELL the house (& not just rent) and move on to bigger and better things, regardless of all of the years and equity we have in it. Despite what the market says about prices going up or down. Or sideways.

It still may not be the best thing.
Despite all the value in it, or what anyone says.

Just as in life, love, and every kind of relationship. I have seen this to be true in both love and friendships. Sometimes we have to cut ties with the old, so that we have both the space and clarity to really legitimately be able to say a heart-all-in “yes” and commit to the new in our lives and move forward to the biggest, brightest and best.

That step usually means being brave and making the decision, without knowing what is on the other side of the door you close and safety nets that you burn.

Faith is the unseen. “Faith is the confidence in what we hope for and being certain of what we do not see…” ~ Hebrews 11:1.

I do not write this under false pretenses or feigned confidence that what I am saying is simple. As Nelson Mandela said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

But I am confident of this, that when all is said and done, it will be worth it.
Run after all you have ever wanted.
You deserve it.

We all do.

~ jules

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