You name it, whatever the goal is in life, I think this applies.
Diet & exercise regimens. Weight loss, Muscle Gains. Relationships. That New business, your job, a promotion. Your savings account. Habits.
As attractive as a crash diet, or fad diet or workout may be, typically, they are not sustainable or lasting. They can wreak havoc on your body and the percentage of people who gain the weight back is reportedly 95% (but this is also debatable). 80% of New Year’s Resolutions fail by the second week of February.
Disordered eating. Disordered workouts. —- not good.
Slow your roll, kids. Make a plan. A healthy, sustainable plan.
None of us are made the same. None of us are going to achieve the exact same “bodies” (or photoshopped celebrity bodies) no matter what supplements we take, or how many calories we burn or consume. (or don’t consume).
I am not a fan of CRASH anything… While I love instant results, and it’s true, waiting is a real pain! Crashing is inevitably – well… a wreck.
“They” say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. “According to Phillippa Lally; a health psychology researcher at University College London, a new habit usually takes a little more than 2 months — 66 days to be exact — and as much as 254 days until it’s fully formed.”
See? Slow and steady wins the race.
It is my belief that the lasting “resolutions” are the ones that you can turn into your daily life… instead of a “diet,” choose to eat healthy (most of the time, but people – you still have to live! 😉🧁🌮).
Anytime we tell others or ourselves “No, you can’t HAVE or DO this or that.” What is our natural response?
No matter how gentle and easy going you are – human nature response is going to be “oh yes I can!” and then you are on overdrive of wanting to have that forbidden fruit. (or chocolate. or not exercising. or shopping.) 🍎🍫🏋🏻👠
This is the year you switch it up, change your perspective!
Our perspective and how we frame things has a lot of impact! You are in charge of your daily perspective, you choose.
So here we are on day two of “twenty -twenty-two ooo ooo!” 🎶🎶🎶 LET’S DO THIS! 🙌🏼
If you want me to help get you started on your first 22~~~ days of whatever YOUR goals may be, then send me a message!
I promise not to Taylor Swift “22 ooo ooo!” sing to you, i mean, unless you want me too. 😉
They say when God closes one door, another door opens…
Every new year, we makes lists. Resolutions. “I will do this, I will do that.”
I am a big proponent of the “Not To Do Lists” – the “Resolve Not To” – the “This Year I Will… remove the following from my proverbial plate.” And let me tell you, it has always proved itself to be positive.
Pare down, simplify, get rid of what isn’t serving a greater purpose or moving you forward, making you happy. Whether that means, cleaning out your closet, garage, refrigerator, or sock drawer. 😉
Or MOST importantly, the RELATIONSHIPS in your life and the way you spend your T I M E.
Earlier this year, I made yet another list. (I love lists!)
This one, almost every sentence began with “I will…”
I will always eat good food, because I love it.
I will start to this, I will continue to that. (run, exercise, start a business, etc etc.)
and there were just a couple of “ I hope to…”
Earlier this year, I also took a relationship off of my plate, and a couple of years ago some others. Each of these big deals. It was quietly painful, and it was uncharted territory to say the very least. (more on this another time, maybe.)
But when I found my “I will list” that I made June 13, 2021, and I read through – I realized that I had accomplished everything on that list, even the two, “I hope to always…”
I realized, if I had not removed a few of the relationships, if I had not been brave enough to stand up and even quietly (or not so quietly) walk away from things that were holding me back in life, I would not have found friendships and relationships that have caused me to flourish, smile, laugh and feel loved in ways I have not experienced in over a decade.
I would not have had the courage to grow, start a new business, feel more of myself, and relax into my complete self again.
So yes, it is true. When God closes one door, another door opens.
But sometimes,
you just need to get up,
close the damn door yourself,
and get on with it.
As for me? I prefer to do my moving on in a stellar pair of high heels.
I thought this was a great read by Mallory Frayn Ph.D, from Psychology Today.
Some are VERY obvious (lol, #2), some, not as much… feel free to repost, or even forward to that “favorite” co-worker or family member! 😉 Sometimes talk about diet and even exercise can lead you down a very slippery and dangerous slope…
“Ditch the chitchat about eating and weight and talk about what’s meaningful.
• Making commentary on people’s eating and weight is not helpful.
• You can’t determine someone’s health based on their shape or size.
• Weight-related commentary perpetuates diet culture and takes away from having more meaningful interactions with others.
Making commentary on someone’s weight, shape, size, or eating habits just isn’t helpful, period. If we comment on someone’s weight gain, we’re effectively shaming them for being larger than we think they “should” be. If we comment on someone’s weight loss, we’re reinforcing the notion that you have to live in a smaller body to have more worth or value as a human being. Neither of these messages is inherently true, nor helpful. So if you catch yourself about to say any of these things to a friend or family member over the holidays, take a step back and think about what you are actually trying to communicate. Chances are, there’s a way to say that without bringing weight or eating into the equation.
1. “Have you lost weight?”
Often with the undertone of, “What are you doing that I’m not doing? Teach me your ways!” Diet culture teaches us that we should value thinness, and thus weight loss, at all costs, but when you see someone looking smaller than you remember, you don’t actually know that their change in size is a good thing. First off, they may have been perfectly healthier at whatever size they were before. Thinness does not equal health, and not-thinness does not equal lack of health. Second, weight loss can occur for any number of reasons that are not good. Disordered eating and/or eating disorders can lead to extreme weight loss, and so can medical conditions and diseases like cancer. Take a pause before assuming that weight loss is inherently good or necessary.
Things to say instead: Try to be curious about how they are doing and what is happening for them—not to “get the dirt,” but to show that you’re there for support if they need it.
• How are you doing? It has been a long time since I’ve seen you, how have things been in your life?
• How are/have you been feeling?
2. “Have you gained weight?”
It may go without saying based on the above, but if smaller is not better, it follows that bigger is not worse. People gain weight for a whole host of reasons, all of which the person whose body it is would be most aware of, not you. Chances are, if you’re pointing it out, the person is already in the know, which makes your judgment less than helpful. Ask yourself, “What are you trying to get out of probing about this?” It may be a subtle way of boosting yourself up by putting another down; “At least I’m not in the same boat,” as it were. Or it may be your own fear of fatness or weight gain that you’re trying to protect yourself from. Either way, shaming someone else doesn’t have to be part of the interaction.
Things to say instead: Try for commentary that validates the person for who they are, and not what they look like.
• You’re so funny, I love your sense of humour and have missed spending time with you.
• You’re always so compassionate. It feels really easy to be myself around you.
3. “I’ve been trying out X diet. Let me tell you all about it.”
A holiday wouldn’t be complete without hearing about the fad diet du jour. While I don’t assume that anyone has malicious intent when they share about their experiences with keto, intermittent fasting, or any other “trendy” diet, it again speaks to the value that our society places on dieting and restriction, without taking into consideration situations under which this could actually be harmful. You might not know that others at the table struggle or have struggled with disordered eating, and in preaching the gospel of X diet, you’re perpetuating the myth that these are valuable things to spend our time fretting over.
Things to say instead: Try asking about what habits people have found to be helpful in maintaining their physical and mental health over the year, particularly during COVID times.
• What have people found to be helpful to their physical/mental health (during COVID)?
• I’ve been feeling kind of stuck lately. What helps you to maintain your sense of well-being?
4. “You really should do more of X (e.g., going to the gym, eating less carbs); it will make you feel better.”
Whenever a client uses the word “should” in one of our sessions, I usually reply with something along the lines of, “Should according to who?” The problem with “shoulds” is that they are external. They are rules to live by that come from what someone has told you, or what society tells you, but that doesn’t mean that they are meaningful or important to you. While you may have internalized these shoulds over time, they still may not “work” for you. Certainly, putting your shoulds onto other people is a recipe for disaster and likely to be met by a stern, “Who are you to tell me what to do?” No one likes an advice-giver, unless they’ve directly asked for it. Rather than preaching, try sharing what has been helpful to you. You can own your experience without assuming it will work for everyone.
Things to say instead:
• I’ve found it really helpful to focus on X this past year. It gives me something to look forward to in my day and helps to keep me on track.
• I find it pretty difficult to maintain Y habit. Does anyone have any suggestions based on what has worked for them?
5. “Why are you eating that?”
If you are telling a fellow, full-grown adult what or how much to eat, you may want to examine where that’s coming from. Do you not think they are capable of making their own decisions? How would you feel if roles were reversed? Healthy boundaries would suggest that you are responsible for you and what you say or do, which means that anyone else is responsible for themselves. Regardless of what you may think about someone’s eating choices, ultimately, they are not yours to make. Commenting on them doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
Things to say instead: Try commenting on your own experience rather than putting it on others.
• This dish is so tasty! What’s the recipe?
• I’m having such a great evening. It’s so nice to be here sharing a meal with everyone.
Some days are hard. Some days are incredible. Some days are just average or boring. But my best days are always when I’m allowed (or allow myself) to continually be my authentic self.
This picture was taken in a thoughtless hurry one evening when one of my good friends texted & asked what I was up to… “I just tried on a new shirt I got in the mail.” I said, “What does it look like?” they replied. So I snapped this pic with zero thought that I had not put any make up on that day (except a little bit under my allergy eyes 🙃)… 📸 I just took a pic & pressed send.
That’s what friendship is, feeling so comfortable that you are yourself ~ inside and out ~ on ALL of the days. The highs & the lows. Being able to share the good & the bad times, without fear of judgement. Knowing you are loved ~ unconditionally.
As a parent, I hope that I am modeling an authentic life, & a safe space for my kids to always do the same… freedom to share every part of their hearts & minds. Even when it may not always gel with mine – I want to know them, to understand them, and hey – change my mind! (Because even Mom is not always right!) This is something I have been telling them since they were in middle school & I believe this to be true of all my relationships.
Bringing truth & love to light, living an honest & authentic life with my whole heart is the only way I know how to do it…
Is it dangerous sometimes wearing my heart on my sleeve?
Absolutely.
Is it worth it most of the time?
Yes.
I have three incredible kids & some friendships more precious than gold to prove it.
I heard about this “I Weigh” idea on a podcast I listened to yesterday morning. It was specifically speaking about your body weight (eating disorders / disordered eating). As a woman especially (in my *cough* mid-40s) all of these things really surface… weight, wrinkles, you name it… BUT body image/weight is always a factor at in age, and in today’s society of social media, it is starting dangerously young. On the FLIP SIDE ~
I have been ruminating on it the last 24+ hours, and thinking about how many of us, (outside of our weight and body image), are so very hard on ourselves. The way we WEIGH our worth, compare ourselves with others & find our worth in the wrong things… for me, there are times I can let my anxiety win. ~ So I was thinking – how brilliant this is ~ I WEIGH…
Here are some of mine ~~~
I weigh: being a strong single mom, love, humor, kindness, my heart on my sleeve, my strength, creativity.
WHAT ARE YOUR “I WEIGHS?” if you want to list one or some below… 💛
It was fairly late one night, when I looked across the room at my friend & I said “what would you say your love language is?” … we shared what each of ours were when he said “it definitely isn’t quality time, I just don’t like that one.”
I stared at him, blinking.
He looked back and said “hey, stop staring at me like that and judging me over there!”
We both laughed and I said “I’m not judging you, but… umm, you don’t like it?!”
He said, “what I mean is, I don’t have a lot of time to give…”
******
Oh!! “The Five Love Languages…” or 6, as I like to say, because I absolutely do not even know why they have not added “Food” to the mix (whether you love to cook and serve it, or in my case, gratefully eat what you want to place before me 😉😉), “Food” should definitely be a love language. #shedigresses #shealwaysdigresses
The 5 Love Languages – they are such an interesting to thing to know about yourself and anyone in your life, especially those that are close to you. – as an aside, I encourage you, if you don’t know your own, to go take the test, and encourage your partner, children, and close friends to do the same, it’s fun (free!) and it’s a really great way to learn to love them even better –The 5 Love Languages Quiz
Earlier this week Jeff Haden published an article on inc.com about quality time. “Why Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Refuse to Believe in Quality Time.” I started to read it, intrigued, especially due to the conversation I had had a few months ago with my friend, and I finished it 100% on board. Jerry Seinfeld calls the opposite of quality time, “Garbage Time.” He explains the reasons why it is so much more important for us to need garbage time in our life over “quality time.”
I quickly summed up the article to my friend, and equated the concept to Valentine’s Day. As a woman, would I want my significant other to lavish me with roses, acknowledgement, love & attention only once a year? Or at best, a few? (throw in my birthday and an anniversary too!). *that’s a hard pass from me!*
Or would you rather a steady stream of every day life love and respect of knowing your S.O. felt this way on the regular? Sign me up for door number two please! *can I get an “Amen!”?*
It is the same with garbage time. “Garbage time (is when real life happens, it) is when a moment is not planned and optimized to within an inch of its life. When a conversation is not fraught with meaning and purpose. When an interaction or event is not filled with expectation — and accompanied by the resulting pressure to live up to those expectations.” – Jeff Haden
Jerry Seinfeld says, “I’m a believer in the ordinary and the mundane. These guys that talk about “quality time” — I always find that a little sad when they say, “We have quality time.”
I don’t want quality time. I want the garbage time. That’s what I like. You just see them in their room reading a comic book and you get to kind of watch that for a minute, or a bowl of Cheerios at 11 o’clock at night when they’re not even supposed to be up. The garbage, that’s what I love.”
“Garbage time is the best time. It isn’t weighted by the expectation that a moment will be special and memorable and perfect.
Garbage time just is. When relationships are not forced, but naturally formed.” – Jeff Haden
Ok, I am going to stop writing & finish my coffee.
Let’s all go spend some garbage time with our people this week! ♡ – jules
“Sometimes all you can do is pray & hold space…” was what the still small voice in the back of my mind said as I sat alone in my living room last night, tears running down my cheeks, my stomach in knots, just crying out to God and wondering, what in the world can I, little old me, do to help? How can I alleviate any of this in any small capacity?
With a heart that longs to make others hearts and insides feel better, I cannot stop thinking of every U.S. Military Veteran I know, all their families, and all of the active Military here and on the ground in Afghanistan. USA or not. As difficult as everything is to fathom, we cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to see /go through everything through their “lens…”
I want to somehow help, and I know I am not alone in this helpless feeling.
I am at a loss for words in this travesty, but I do know one thing I can do, WE as civilians can do for all those who have served our country so courageously and honorably.
We can continue to pray, be there and hold space.
What does it mean to hold space?
The definition of holding space is “to be present with someone, without judgment. It means you donate your ears and heart without wanting anything in return. It involves practicing empathy and compassion. You put your needs and opinions aside, allowing someone to just be.”
– practice loving kindness, use deep listening, sit with what is, (JUST. BE), allow them to feel, breathe, stay grounded, BE PRESENT, do not usurp their pain or try to fix it…
Be strong. Pray without ceasing. & Hold Space. 🙏🏻❤️🇺🇸
Every Sunday I find time to get myself ready for the week ahead… I get my desk perfectly organized for Monday morning & my “To Do List” filled out for the week. An in general list, then whittled down for each day. My workouts, work, kids, life, goals, etc. etc.
But last night around 4am, I woke up with the thought of – I need to make a life’s “NOT-To-Do” List!!
You know the one where I set boundaries, not just with others, but also myself & that voice inside my head that sometimes is a little unkind or perhaps has some pretty dumb ideas. 😉 I challenge you today, or in the morning to think about what you might put on your “NOT-TO-DO-LIST.” What isn’t serving you, your happiness and/or your future? Be it emotionally or physically… are you sitting around & not exercising or eating healthy? are you letting yourself be a doormat at work or with friends/family? Here are a few from my list: (1) i will NOT skip weight training & yell (internally) at my friend Todd when he constantly asks me how it’s going 😂🤦🏼♀️🤸🏼♀️ (2) i will NOT text or invest time with people who do not care/invest time in me. (3) i will NOT settle for less. (4) i will NOT make myself LESS THAN to make others feel comfortable. (5) i will NOT make others lack of preparation my emergency. Those are a few of mine… Your turn! What’s on Your Not-To-Do-List?
There is POWER in SPEAKING UP. Last week, my youngest daughter & I, unfortunately, were witness to a terrible situation between a family just a few feet away from us… as the fight became more volatile, physical and was escalating, my gut and former experience told me what I needed to do. I got up quietly in the cover of the night, walked inside and called the police, just to ask for a little drive by to check on the situation. Longish story short, the police arrived just in time. Two women and two babies were potentially saved from what was most likely to have been a terrible “ending.”
That night as I kissed my daughter goodnight, she said “well, I guess we saved 4 people, but ruined 1 person’s life…” I smiled at her sweet face & said, “No, lovey, hopefully everyone will get the help they need now. We were quiet little heroes.”
Sometimes that is all you need to be. A QUIET LITTLE HERO. If you do not have the strength or do not want to get involved, or SHOULD NOT get involved, then quietly ask someone who needs to or can. If you have never experienced domestic violence or any form of abuse, or known someone that has, you have no idea how INVALUABLE this seemingly small act of bravery can do to change lives. Save lives. Check the link in my bio for really great information… if you see the signs in someone’s life, don’t wait for them to ask you for help, learn how to ask them, help them.
“A coach looks at your present to help you create the future you desire, while a therapist looks at your past to help you manage your present, coaching is action-oriented, therapy is insight-oriented.” – Tess Brigham
becoming beautifully unbroken 