It was fairly late one night, when I looked across the room at my friend & I said “what would you say your love language is?” … we shared what each of ours were when he said “it definitely isn’t quality time, I just don’t like that one.”
I stared at him, blinking.
He looked back and said “hey, stop staring at me like that and judging me over there!”
We both laughed and I said “I’m not judging you, but… umm, you don’t like it?!”
He said, “what I mean is, I don’t have a lot of time to give…”
Oh!! “The Five Love Languages…” or 6, as I like to say, because I absolutely do not even know why they have not added “Food” to the mix (whether you love to cook and serve it, or in my case, gratefully eat what you want to place before me 😉😉), “Food” should definitely be a love language. #shedigresses #shealwaysdigresses
The 5 Love Languages – they are such an interesting to thing to know about yourself and anyone in your life, especially those that are close to you. – as an aside, I encourage you, if you don’t know your own, to go take the test, and encourage your partner, children, and close friends to do the same, it’s fun (free!) and it’s a really great way to learn to love them even better – The 5 Love Languages Quiz
Earlier this week Jeff Haden published an article on inc.com about quality time. “Why Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Refuse to Believe in Quality Time.” I started to read it, intrigued, especially due to the conversation I had had a few months ago with my friend, and I finished it 100% on board. Jerry Seinfeld calls the opposite of quality time, “Garbage Time.” He explains the reasons why it is so much more important for us to need garbage time in our life over “quality time.”
I quickly summed up the article to my friend, and equated the concept to Valentine’s Day. As a woman, would I want my significant other to lavish me with roses, acknowledgement, love & attention only once a year? Or at best, a few? (throw in my birthday and an anniversary too!). *that’s a hard pass from me!*
Or would you rather a steady stream of every day life love and respect of knowing your S.O. felt this way on the regular? Sign me up for door number two please! *can I get an “Amen!”?*
It is the same with garbage time. “Garbage time (is when real life happens, it) is when a moment is not planned and optimized to within an inch of its life. When a conversation is not fraught with meaning and purpose. When an interaction or event is not filled with expectation — and accompanied by the resulting pressure to live up to those expectations.” – Jeff Haden
Jerry Seinfeld says, “I’m a believer in the ordinary and the mundane. These guys that talk about “quality time” — I always find that a little sad when they say, “We have quality time.”
I don’t want quality time. I want the garbage time. That’s what I like. You just see them in their room reading a comic book and you get to kind of watch that for a minute, or a bowl of Cheerios at 11 o’clock at night when they’re not even supposed to be up. The garbage, that’s what I love.”
“Garbage time is the best time. It isn’t weighted by the expectation that a moment will be special and memorable and perfect.
Garbage time just is. When relationships are not forced, but naturally formed.” – Jeff Haden
Ok, I am going to stop writing & finish my coffee.
Let’s all go spend some garbage time with our people this week! ♡ – jules
** to read the entire article – https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-emotionally-intelligent-people-build-better-relationships-develop-trust-employees-family-friends.html **